Body language signs and attraction Body language is an integral part of our daily lives as human beings. Understanding body language signs is not only important in personal relationships, but it can also be helpful for professional relationships too. Becoming observant of – and learning to understand – non-verbal communication increases your emotional intelligence. Maybe you’ve landed here on this page as you’re keen to uncover the body language signs of physical attraction (see list further down). It can be really hard sometimes to figure out if someone ‘fancies’ you or not! Understanding body language is obviously very useful if you’re dating, but you might be here for professional reasons. Either way, there’s lots of advice on this page to get you started! Nonverbal communication As well as reading this page on body language signs, be sure to have a look at Types of Non-Verbal Communication. Body language signs can be the cause much confusion and miscommunication, so I hope to bring some clarity. Spotting body language signs and responding to them It’s only with years of experience that I’ve learned to pick up on signs that I need to pay attention to. As a counsellor I have found over time what to look for, what to do with it, how much attention to give to it, and how and when to respond. You are faced with a completely different situation. So, with the knowledge I’ve gained, I hope to be able to help you to understand other people's messages a little better. It’ll prepare you for more fruitful conversations with the people around you - be they friends, family, business associates or students. Though I will focus on you and your partner in particular. How to avoid making mistakes It’s not helpful to attach a ‘fixed meaning’ to any particular movements as a 'sign' of something. It’s best to avoid ‘interpreting’ non-verbal signs without other ‘evidence’. Reading body language can be a complicated business, even though we all have a natural ability to do it. People who are deaf and have learned to use sign language rely on several ways to communicate clearly. They use hand signals, mouth the words, sign the ‘space’ they place people and objects in and move their bodies. Body language signs missing in text messages and emails I used to work as a school counsellor. Youngsters would frequently get into trouble with their friends - all too often they would try to restore the peace with by electronic messages of one kind or another. So, to get the point across I often demonstrated the many different meanings of just this sentence: "Where were you last night?" Try it for yourself shifting the emphasis to different words. Whilst we’re on the subject of caution - when you’re reading about body language signs, remind yourself of any texts or emails you have sent recently. How would the meaning of that text or email have changed if you had 'said' it with a smile or with a cheeky sense of humour? What would it have meant if you said it in an angry voice, still using the same words? How would it have sounded in a gently challenging tone of voice, or if you had delivered in a 'straight to the point- no nonsense' kind of way? The meaning of a face-to-face communication depends to a large extend on your body language and how you use your voice. You do have control over your part of the ‘electronic’ communication… but the receiver may read your message in a way you did not intend! Bearing this in mind, why not go back over some of your recent messages, just out of interest. Have a look at my page on how to write romantic text messages too. What does your face say about you? Your face communicates a great deal about how you're feeling... and often you might not even be aware of the signs you're giving off. To further understand body language, join me in Part 2 - where there's also a fascinating video that explores just what your face might be saying... It can be tricky to understand body language - but I hope my tips and advice here will help you to get started. This is the second part of this article, so do make sure you have a look at the Body Language Signs in Part 1 before you carry on here. All about the head, face and neck Here's a list of all the body language signs you might want to take notice of. They are within your field of vision when you’re having a conversation: General movement in facial muscles - involuntary or deliberate, for example grimacing, twitching, smiling or frowning. Lifting or dropping of the eyebrows may indicate surprise, questioning, wondering or disbelief. Frowning - it can mean: discomfort, physical pain (why exactly at that moment, you might ask yourself or indeed your partner), anger, suspicion or listening intently Smiling – but notice which facial muscles are moving. Is it a real smile that involves all the facial muscles? An artificial smile would involve only the muscles around the mouth. It leaves no trace of any pleasure and it could be an attempt to hide displeasure, disagreement and/or discomfort. Nodding - this can mean all kinds of things. It could simply be an encouragement for you to say more, or an agreement. It could also be masking negative feelings, even though you might think it implies agreement. It could even be an automatic movement - implying 'I am listening', but the listener has really switched off. Eye contact and movement of the eyes - avoiding your gaze at one end of the scale and staring at the other. Both could mean the same: "I am uncomfortable, but I don't want to let on". Looking away can be a way of discouraging communication. It’s well-known, though, that couples in love maintain eye contact for longer than average. We all know about the lifting of eyes to the ceiling too: "Oh for goodness sake" - usually with along with a bit of 'tutting' Winking – which is sometimes hardly noticeable. Winking may simply be a habit someone has developed to communicate comfort or kindness. It can also mean "you and I know what’s going on" or "I like you" Size of the pupils - abnormally large may mean shock or absolute terror. It can also be associated with medication or drug use Neck – you’ll see someone swallowing when they are anxious. What you can't see is that it’s because their mouth is dry. When someone is feeling uncomfortable they may stroke their neck to soothe themselves. Covering the windpipe can be seen as a defensive movement, implying protection of the self Studies have shown that sleep deprivation reduces facial expressiveness, even though there is no reduction in emotions felt*. Just think about what any lack of such important body language signs can have on personal relationships. Lust or love - what your face says about you Here’s a video clip of an interview with biological anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher. Helen is an adviser for Chemistry.com and is the author of the book: "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love" Signs of physical attraction There are other body language signs displayed by people who are physically attracted to someone: Lips become engorged when someone is sexually aroused, making kissing all that more pleasurable. Sitting across from a woman who is playing with her mouth and licking her lips? You may be in luck. If she’s moving her head closer to you, perhaps tilting her head, you’ve had sufficient body language signs to know that she is physically attracted to you, and to have a chance of kissing her! Couples in love scan each other's faces more. Couples also maintain eye contact for longer as they are attracted to each other. Gazing into each other's eyes is desired, whereas in other circumstances that would feel intrusive. Couples in love act as a team and their body movements are often synchronised – much like a dance Once committed, their bodies are often intertwined - their arms wrapped around each other, legs over each other - whatever they feel they can get away with! Early on, they may 'accidentally' touch each other, reducing their interpersonal space for someone they feel physically attracted to. Paradoxically, early on they may actually avoid looking at each other or touching each other so as not to give away how much they think of the other. Helen Fisher's book, "Why We Love" is one of my favourites, as she backs up all that detail about chemistry between two individuals with a scientific explanation. It’s fascinating read. Actually, so is "Why Him, Why Her". Do check them out! It also struck me recently that the body language portrayed in some music videos overemphasises what tends to happen naturally in a relationship. I wonder to what extent that shapes the viewers’ perceptions and expectations of communication. In particular children, who are perhaps more impressionable and are frequently exposed to raunchy music videos. Want to improve your emotional intelligence? My Pro-list of Emotions and Feelings will help. Subconscious body language signs So much of the way we communicate is given away by subconscious body language cues - Part 3 takes a look at these, so hop over there now to find out more!

Decoding His Body Language People (sub-)communicate almost 90% of their intentions through their posture, movements, and tone of voice. The reality is that what a person says matters, but can be completely opposite of how he or she feels. So, how can you tell the difference, especially regarding men? Pay attention to what his body says before you listen to the words coming out of his mouth. You'll be surprised at what you might pick up on. By Abraham Lloyd Seeing Him for the First Time The first thing to understand about picking up male signals is that guys, above all else, are obvious. So if you see him for the first time and he looks at you, raises an eyebrow, stands up straight, smiles, and opens his posture to face you — guess what? You or someone behind you has his attention. If he begins to preen when you notice him, he is officially letting you (or the woman behind you) know. is He Flirting with Me? On a date, understand that men don't listen to, touch, or look into the eyes of women they are not interested in. If he is engaged in conversation, preens, looks into your eyes occasionally, touches you on the arm (good) or on the small of your back (better) and is relaxed while doing it, then guess what? Ignore everything he says, and recognize that he's flirting with you (even if he says he's not). Are We Just Friends? Men tend to treat women they are friends with more like sisters than potential dates. If you're not sure where you stand, ask yourself if he treats you like his "girlfriend" from third grade. Sure, you may hug. He may be polite and chivalrous. If, however, he does not hesitate to look at other women, and adjusts his body language for them but not for you, then he's telling you that you're not date-worthy. He may love you as a friend, but he probably doesn't see you as a lover if he's willing to look for one in your company. During and After Sex During and after sex, you can discern if a guy is interested in you by how attentive he is; he may not be experienced, but if he's interested he'll make an effort. Men don't engage in foreplay, touch, or maintain eye contact during sex with women they're not attracted to. If your man can look into your eyes in the heat of the moment and listens to your body, then clearly he's into you. If, however, he looks away when you look at him, doesn't want to touch you afterward, or pulls away when you do, then don't expect much from him in the future. Having "The Talk" When you feel the need to ask your partner "Where are we going?" check to make sure his body language shows that he is open to the conversation. Looking down or away, with crossed arms and legs or a tight jaw, is a clear indicator that he is not open to talking. His mouth may say "yes" to discussing this, but if his body says "no," then try changing direction by asking him to go for a walk (so he uncrosses his legs), holding his hand (so his arms aren't crossed), or leading him somewhere else, where you can sit and talk. Body language creates and builds positive or negative momentum. Then again, don't force a discussion Proposing During one of the most vulnerable moments of his life, the body language of your partner can give you insight into where he is coming from. If he looks into your eyes when he speaks, his chest sticks out, voice doesn't crack, he holds you firmly — and can do all of this while relaxed on one knee, then he's embracing the moment and clearly knows that he wants you (which is a good sign, obviously). Conversely, a slouched posture coupled with twitching, fidgeting, and/or needy embraces says that he is either not sure, afraid of being rejected, or desperate to have you in his life (not such a great sign, obviously).

Body Language, Personal Interaction and Context The interplay among body language, personal interaction, and context is both complex and comprehensive. These three elements fit together so well and so completely that for many years researchers had difficulty pulling them apart enough to reveal the role each plays with the others. While the scientific knowledge in this area is by no means complete, we do know a great deal more than ever. This knowledge is not simply academic; it has practical applications everyone can learn and apply in their daily lives. Practical Applications of These Three Elements For most people, practical applications of these three elements are most helpful when used within personal relationships and business relationships. Put more simply, we spend the largest portion of our lives at work and at home, so it only makes sense to learn all we can about how to make communication in those two environments as clear and easy as possible. At Home You may interact with many different people as part of your home life. Your spouse or significant other, your child, your parents, your friends, and your neighbours are all examples of people with whom you likely interact regularly. For instance, when you have a close and committed relationship with another person, the quality and accuracy of your communications are vital to the strength and happiness of the relationship. As you and your partner first got to know each other, you each gradually learned to read each other’s body language within your personal interactions and within different contexts. The longer the relationship lasts, the better you each become in this area – at least, theoretically. What often happens, though, is that familiarity over time leads to less effort put into the relationship; more opportunities for miscommunication and conflict; and a generally falling off of the importance placed on communicating well with each other. You can freshen up and improve your committed relationship by re-focusing attention on body language, personal interaction, and context. For instance, if you know your spouse is not a ‘morning person’ then take that into account as you interact at that time of the day. Or, if your spouse is uncomfortable in social situations, agree ahead of time on how the two of you will communicate when it’s time to take a break or head home. A wink of the eye, a gentle tug on the arm, or some other non-verbal cue may be all it takes to communicate a clear message. At Work Depending on your job, you may interact with a great number of people each day. This can include customers, the general public, co-workers, supervisors, managers, and such. Paying attention to and applying your knowledge of body language and context to these personal interactions can go a long way toward making them more productive and more pleasant. For instance, when you interact with a customer it’s very helpful to pay attention to his or her body language. Do you sense anger? Unhappiness? Confusion? Or simply wanting to take care of a routine activity? Now consider the context. Is this a new customer? A long time customer? A harried mother or father trying to take care of errands during lunch? A customer who has waited in line a very long time? These are all examples of factors that influence your approach to a personal interaction with that customer. A new customer who is confused about a new product requires a different style of interaction (friendly, helpful, reassuring) than a harried mother or father trying to get back to work on time (friendly, prompt, focused). What about interacting with your boss? Or your co-workers? What aspects of body language, context, and personal interaction should you focus on and combine to find the best approach to that person? These are the kinds of questions you can ask yourself before, during, and after each interaction as a way of learning how to better manage all of those types of people and situations. In The End…. In the end, there is no magic formula for how body language, personal interaction, and context relate and combine together. There can be tremendous variation even with the same person and the same context, depending on the particular day or outside influences. This is why continuing to study and learn about body language and its practical applications is such a great way to improve your ability to communicate. You certainly can’t control anyone else, but when you thoroughly prepare yourself with learning and information, you are in a much better position to manage all of your personal interactions and create productive communication.

How to Convey Sincerity and Warmth When you understand the power of body language, you can consciously use it to convey a wide variety of messages. Additionally, you can observe and interpret the body language of others to determine the message they’re sending in your direction. In this article, we’ll look at three common messages that occur in a broad range of situations and types of interactions. They are sincerity, familiarity, and warmth. Sincerity Body language that conveys sincerity is much like that conveying honesty. It is characterised by steady eye contact, relaxed but poised body posture, and leaning toward or reaching out toward the other person or people. It is the type of message that most people deliver quite unconsciously and naturally, but other people may deliberately assume this kind of body language in an effort to influence another person. Typical examples might include a salesperson pitching a product or service; a child trying to convince a parent he or she really needs a certain toy; or even a close friend having a particularly honest or difficult conversation with you. Familiarity Body language that conveys familiarity has a strong influence on overall behaviour. When you display relaxed, comfortable, and even casual body language, that lets the other person know you feel a strong degree of comfort and familiarity with him or her. Deliberate use of this kind of body language may help put a new acquaintance at ease in a group or communicate a higher level of affection for another person. In general, the more familiarity you convey to others (or perceive in others) the more likely you are to communicate in an open, honest, relaxed manner. Warmth Body language that conveys warmth is similar to that of familiarity, but you do not necessarily have to be comfortable or familiar with a person or situation to display warmth. Relaxed posture, open body position, sitting or standing close together, and other generally relaxed behaviours are common ways of showing warmth. For instance, a parent might display these body language messages to convey warmth to a son’s new girlfriend. Retailers also make use of this kind of body language to convey a sense of warmth to their customers; examples include having employees stand in front of the counter rather than behind it, or training employees to use relaxed behaviours to make customers feel welcome in the store. The Effects of Context and Environment All three of these common messages – sincerity, familiarity, and warmth – are affected by the context and environment in which they occur. As a general rule, the more formal or conservative the environment, the more restrained and cautious the messages will appear. Conflict may occur when two or more people have different perceptions of the context and/or environment of the situation. These kinds of different perceptions are a major cause of miscommunication, misinterpretation, and general misunderstanding of both conscious and unconscious body language. Before you attempt to convey (or receive and interpret) any of these messages, pause for a moment to evaluate context and environment. Pay attention to your own perceptions of these things as well as the perceptions of others. Using these kinds of clues when sending and/or receiving messages of sincerity, familiarity, and warmth can greatly increase your effectiveness and at the same time decrease the chances of misunderstandings due to differing perceptions.

How Body Language Affects Personal Interactions Body language has a huge effect on all of your personal interactions no matter where they occur or with whom they occur. There is simply no way to fully separate non-verbal communication from influencing an interaction. Body Language Conveys Truthfulness or Deceit It takes a very skilled liar to match his or her body language to words that are not true. The majority of people show some sort of conflict between verbal communication and non-verbal communication when they are attempting to deceive someone else. Why? Because body language is such an innate part of communication that you have to make a concerted effort to use it in a way that goes against your natural tendencies. As receivers, we all take in verbal communication and body language, comparing them to help us determine if the message sender is being truthful or deceitful. Parents do this a great deal when interacting with their children because children typically are not very good at hiding conflicts between their words and their body language. It is generally quite easy to spot when a child is not being truthful, and it’s almost always due to the child’s non-verbal communication. There are some variations, though, to the weight we give to conflicts between verbal and non-verbal communication. When we receive a message where those two elements are conflicting, our minds (consciously or unconsciously) evaluate how difficult it is to ‘fake’ a particular kind of body language. The more difficult it is to fake, the more likely we are to believe it even if it conflicts with a person’s words. Body Language Influences The Length And Type Of Personal Interaction Your body language has a huge influence on the length and type of personal interactions you have. It can tell the world around you ‘stay away, I want to be left alone’, or it can tell the world ‘say hello to me, I’d love to talk with you’ – all with non-verbal cues that can be as simple as averting your eyes or holding your body in a certain position. For instance, let’s say it’s early Sunday morning and you’re making a quick dash to the supermarket to pick up the newspaper and an espresso. You throw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, hoping you won’t run into anyone you know along the way. However, you do far more than just hope; your body language, consciously or unconsciously, sends out cues that you don’t want to be noticed and don’t want to have any personal interactions. How does this happen? It happens in many ways, such as: Averting your eyes as you’re walking Hunching your shoulders and looking at the ground Keeping your facial expression neutral or even a bit on the grumpy side Wearing a hat pulled down as far as possible on your head Walking quickly to and from your destination Pretending not to see other people, just in case you might know one of them All of these are cues to others that you’re not interested in lengthy personal interactions and you’d be much happier if they would all just pretend you’re not there, thank you very much.But what if you’re feeling happy, confident, and perfectly willing to stop and chat with someone else? Take another look at the list above, and think about doing the exact opposite of what’s on the list. Those are the types of body language cues that would invite others to interact with you. Body Language Communicates When Words Can’t There are times when words simply can’t communicate properly in a personal interaction. For instance, when you’re comforting a grieving friend the simple non-verbal act of putting an arm around his or her shoulder is far more powerful than any words you might say. Or, you and your spouse might attend your child’s piano recital. Your sense of pride in his or her performance swells almost to bursting, so you turn to each other and make eye contact. You might smile, squeeze each other’s hands, or lean together. These are all ways of non-verbal communication something important in a way that’s far more effective and meaningful than using plain old words.

Body Language In Different Personal Interactions One of the most practical applications of knowledge about body language is in the context of different personal interactions. The way you communicate through body language has a huge impact on the tone length, and outcome of every type of personal interaction. Body Language and Interacting With Someone New – First Impressions Up to 90% of the first impression created when meeting someone new is a direct result of non-verbal interactions and general body language. These messages, both conscious and unconscious, convey a great deal of information about you, so it’s just common sense to do everything possible to maximise your positive impression. The first step is to check your appearance; this might include combing your hair, smoothing your shirt, straightening your tie, and generally making sure you appear neat and tidy. This may seem a bit vain, but it’s rooted in a very practical fact: Most people will form an opinion about you within just a few seconds of seeing you, even before you’ve uttered a single word. Next comes the way you carry yourself and greet the other person. If you frown, appear stern, or act aloof, the first impression you create is bound to be quite negative. Instead, you should smile, shake hands, and maintain a pleasant look on your face. Also, don’t stand facing the other person directly, as this is perceived as an aggressive posture; make a point of standing just a bit sideways and with a good distance between yourself and the other person. These general suggestions should be adjusted as necessary depending on the situation – formal, informal, business, social, etc. Interacting With Someone You Know – Rapport, Trust, and Intimacy When you interact with someone you know, body language influences three key areas of the interaction – rapport, trust, and intimacy. Depending on the nature of the relationship between the two of you, each of these areas will take on different levels of importance. Using body language to build rapport is much like performing a dance with the other person. It is a process of negotiating your way through a series of movements and steps, with each one bringing you closer and closer to common ground and understanding. The main elements of this negotiation are: Mirroring – the degree to which you both reflect each other’s body language. Listening – the degree to which you both ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the answers. Reciprocating – the degree to which you both select similar body language that is perceived as being of similar value to the interaction. Using body language to build trust is simply an expansion of the rapport you’ve already established. The biggest difference is that trust takes more time to develop than rapport. It still includes the three main elements (mirroring, listening, and reciprocating) but each takes on a deeper meaning as you both negotiate your way through to a deeper level of connection with confidence in each other. Another aspect of trust is that it takes longer to develop, but can be destroyed much more quickly than basic rapport. Using body language to convey intimacy is perhaps the most complicated of activities, especially in situations where such non-verbal interactions may or may not be sexual in nature. Two close friends convey intimacy by sitting close together, using appropriate facial expressions, displaying friendly gestures, and leaning toward each other. None of this is sexual in nature, and neither person interprets it as sexual because there is a high degree of rapport and trust in the relationship. However, two people with a romantic interest in each other convey intimacy in very different ways. They might touch each other lightly on the hand, arm, or shoulder; they laugh at each other’s witty comments and lean in toward each other; they make frequent eye contact and then look away in a coy manner; and they generally flirt with each other to convey mutual interest. Pending and Receiving Messages in Personal Interactions Conflict occurs when body language is misinterpreted either as being romantically intimate or when one person does not reciprocate in a romantically intimate way. Such conflicts are relatively easy to resolve in social or informal situations, but can lead to additional problems when they occur in a business or professional situation. There is no single formula for determining the exact nature and intensity of body language messages to use during different levels of personal interaction. Learning what is and is not effective is somewhat of a 'trial and error' process. You can speed up this process and become more adept at sending messages, receiving messages, and interpreting reactions to messages, simply by continuing to learn as much as possible about the power of body language.

Body Language and Proxemics Body language is a powerful form of communication but the sending and receiving of messages involves a great deal more. Outside factors can have a powerful influence on such interactions, and one of the most influential is proxemics. Proxemics We have all had experiences where someone stands or sits just a little bit too close. It may be somewhat difficult to define ‘too close’, but you know it when it occurs, right? Believe it or not, there are researchers and scientists who focus their work on the study of humans, distance, and the idea of personal space. It’s called proxemics, and despite the fancy word, it is really a fascinating subject with many practical applications. Proxemics is all about how non-verbal communication among and between people is affected by distance. These kinds of spatial relationships involve territory, proximity, and a wide range of personal comfort zones. There are four general categories of space, as defined by proxemics: Public space Social space Personal space Intimate space Think of these four categories of space as concentric circles, starting out away from you and becoming progressively smaller as they move closer to you. The actual size of each circle differs from person to person; that’s what makes this subject so interesting and so relevant to everyday life. Four Categories of Space, Unlimited Ways to Invade Them The study of proxemics has given us specific definitions of each category: Public space – This area begins about twelve feet away and goes out to about twenty-five feet, sometimes even more. It is the domain of public interactions such as taking a stroll through the mall, walking down the street, or passing other people in the grocery store. Social space – This area begins about four feet away and goes out to about twelve feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions such as meeting someone new, greeting a familiar acquaintance, or generally interacting with someone who is not particularly well known to you. Personal space – This area begins about eighteen inches away and goes out to about four feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions with people you know well, such as those whom you know relatively well and your good personal friends. Personal space is also sometimes referenced as your ‘bubble’ or ‘personal bubble’, and is the space that varies the most based on culture. Intimate space – This area begins at your body and goes out to about eighteen inches away from you. It is the domain of your most intimate interactions with people, typically a small handful of people with whom you have the closest relationships. This includes kissing, hugs, whispers and close conversation, and intimate types of touch. In practice, however, each individual person has his or her own definition of each category, and definitions vary even further by gender, culture, social perceptions, situation, and the like.How does proxemics influence body language? The interaction between proxemics and body language is quite complicated. It is the subject of ongoing study, but is still not anywhere close to being fully understood. Because individual definitions of space are so variable, it is difficult to unravel the interwoven facets of how body language influences (and is influenced by) the four categories of space. Cultural differences abound; for instance, in Italy and Latin America the personal space distance is much smaller than in Great Britain and Sweden. So when someone from Sweden travels to Italy, he or she is likely to feel quite uncomfortable interacting with a local person whose concept of personal space is quite different. In general, body language is the first method of communication used when personal space or comfort zones are infringed upon. It is a relatively safe way to send and receive messages without the awkwardness and discomfort of speaking about such things directly. In other words, it is the most common method for letting other people know where your own space boundaries are located. Why is body language so effective in communicating space boundaries? Most experts agree it is because body language is so incredibly natural, flexible, and easy to adjust without interrupting the flow of an interaction. It can be used at work, at home, in a classroom, on the subway, in a car, at a concert; the applications are as unlimited as the nuances of body language itself.