Prof. Marcos Tadeu expande pesquisas a países de Língua portuguesa

Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships What does it mean when your boyfriend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a group of people? What is your girlfriend trying to tell you when she greets you without her usual smile and hug? And what about committed relationships where the partners start out showing lots of affection and accommodation for each other but over the years begin to just interact automatically? The issue of body language within intimate relationships is quite complex and one that is not easily broken down into specific, predictable definitions. It is much like a dance between two people, constantly in motion and combining with other aspects of the relationship to communicate a wide variety of messages. The Beginnings of Intimacy In the beginning of an intimate relationship, body language is a primary means of communication. Two people who don’t know each other very well will use non-verbal cues to express their thoughts when words seem too direct or uncomfortable. It is a relatively safe way to get the point across to each other with less risk of outright rejection or embarrassment. The early stages are filled with flirting and testing each other’s interest. Eye contact is important because it indicates interest; body position is also important because it helps to indicate comfort levels. For instance, two people who sit or stand very close to each other, find excuses to touch each other on the arm or shoulder, or position themselves side by side rather than facing each other, are showing each other that each is comfortable with the other. As the relationship progresses, more and more touching occurs. This shows up as holding hands, hugging, leaning against each other, and the like. A woman who tilts her head and rests it on a man’s shoulder, for instance, is using her body language to express closeness and invite more of the same. A man who takes a woman’s hand as they negotiate through a crowded room is using body language to express connectedness, protection, and leadership. Body Language in Established Relationships When two people in an established intimate relationship use body language, it can take on far more subtle meanings. This is especially true if the relationship is troubled in some way or if there is poor verbal communication between them. On the other end of the spectrum, though, body language can become a special communication tool used to convey messages of love, connection, appreciation, and the like. It is quite common for couples to use body language when they are unwilling or unable to talk about a conflict openly. Either person might withdraw physically or emotionally from the other, avoiding situations of physical closeness and keeping feelings inside. Or, either person might become quite physical by slamming doors, banging drawers shut, vigorously cleaning something, or the like. With all of these examples, the underlying cause may vary but the symptoms generally indicate the same thing – the couple needs to talk with each other, openly and honestly, about the real issue at hand. Couples who have been together many years often develop a set of non-verbal cues specific to their relationship. For instance, in social situations it might only take deliberate eye contact, a tug on the elbow, or a tilt of the head to indicate when one person is ready to go. Parents also can become quite good at this process, using facial expressions to communicate when a child misbehaves or when one needs a break from the kids for some reason. General Body Language in Intimate Relationships In general, body language in intimate relationships serves a vital purpose. It communicates specific types of information when a relationship is relatively young as well as when it is more established. It can bring a couple together, push a couple apart, or simply augment the verbal communication habits of the two people. When it comes to communicating intimacy, though, body language is perhaps the most powerful tool available to couples. A touch of the hand, an arm around the shoulder, a tender kiss on the cheek, or a tender caress of the cheek are all great examples of ways couples express intimacy with each other. Learning about and understanding these kinds of non-verbal cues can go a long way toward strengthening and protecting the intimate connection between two people. Violation of your Personal Space It probably wouldn’t take you very long to vividly recall a time when your personal space was violated. Maybe you were sitting in a coffee shop and someone sat down at your table or perhaps you were settling in for a department meeting and a co-worker sat down and then moved the chair even closer to you. Regardless of the situation, when someone violates your personal space it is extremely uncomfortable. How then, can you deal with it? Unconscious Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Everyone has automatic, unconscious reactions to violations of their personal space. These reactions happen so swiftly and so unconsciously that if you were to ask someone about theirs, most would have to think very carefully to identify them. It’s simply not something most people have to think about at all; their reactions are more like a reflex than anything else. What are some of these common reactions? Here’s just a sampling: Move away – When someone gets a bit too close, moving away is the most natural and automatic reaction. This may be accomplished with body movement, such as leaning back, or more pronounced movement, such as moving your chair away, sliding your entire body away, or, in extreme cases, even getting up and moving to a different location. Put up a personal barrier – This conjures up images of building a wall, but it is usually something far less complicated. For instance, you might rearrange your books or papers so they are between you and the other person; or, you might change arm position so that your arm is raised or manoeuvred into a position blocking the other person. Body position – In most cases, this is a combination of moving away and putting up a barrier. For instance, you might turn slightly so your back is to the other person, effectively creating a barrier. Or, you might turn your head, avoid eye contact, raise your book or reading material, and the like. If you think about it, you can probably remember many different times in your life where you have used these automatic reactions when your space was violated. Some people, however, make a conscious decision to protect their personal space deliberately and actively. Deliberate Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Some people make quite deliberate decisions about how to deal with violations of their personal space. Their responses are often passive, but may also be quite active in some cases. Here’s a sampling of some common actions: Spread out – This is very common in situations where you are sitting at a table that others might choose to sit at as well, such as at the library or in a cafeteria. As the other person approaches and begins to infringe upon your personal space, you spread out your belongings – books, purse, backpack, shopping bags, and jacket, anything – into the space around you. This visually communicates your boundaries and also works as a barrier between you and the other person. Turn your back – This is another tactic to protect your personal space from another person. You might casually shift your position so your back is to the other person, or even reposition your chair with your back acting as a barrier between the two of you. Ask the other person to move – This is an active response typically used by people with a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem. When a person begins to violate your personal space, you simply ask them to move away a bit. If you’re not quite confident enough to be that bold, you might tell them you’re expecting someone else to arrive soon and you’d like to keep the space available for that person. Verbal warning – In cases where you feel particularly threatened you might give the other person a verbal warning that you’re uncomfortable and could they please move away. It might be something simply like “please stop” or something more directive like “you’re sitting/standing too close to me, could you please move back”. Most people focus more on passive measures than on active measures when their personal space is violated. It is simply too intimidating or uncomfortable to reclaim that space directly.