Body Language In Different Personal Interactions One of the most practical applications of knowledge about body language is in the context of different personal interactions. The way you communicate through body language has a huge impact on the tone length, and outcome of every type of personal interaction. Body Language and Interacting With Someone New – First Impressions Up to 90% of the first impression created when meeting someone new is a direct result of non-verbal interactions and general body language. These messages, both conscious and unconscious, convey a great deal of information about you, so it’s just common sense to do everything possible to maximise your positive impression. The first step is to check your appearance; this might include combing your hair, smoothing your shirt, straightening your tie, and generally making sure you appear neat and tidy. This may seem a bit vain, but it’s rooted in a very practical fact: Most people will form an opinion about you within just a few seconds of seeing you, even before you’ve uttered a single word. Next comes the way you carry yourself and greet the other person. If you frown, appear stern, or act aloof, the first impression you create is bound to be quite negative. Instead, you should smile, shake hands, and maintain a pleasant look on your face. Also, don’t stand facing the other person directly, as this is perceived as an aggressive posture; make a point of standing just a bit sideways and with a good distance between yourself and the other person. These general suggestions should be adjusted as necessary depending on the situation – formal, informal, business, social, etc. Interacting With Someone You Know – Rapport, Trust, and Intimacy When you interact with someone you know, body language influences three key areas of the interaction – rapport, trust, and intimacy. Depending on the nature of the relationship between the two of you, each of these areas will take on different levels of importance. Using body language to build rapport is much like performing a dance with the other person. It is a process of negotiating your way through a series of movements and steps, with each one bringing you closer and closer to common ground and understanding. The main elements of this negotiation are: Mirroring – the degree to which you both reflect each other’s body language. Listening – the degree to which you both ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the answers. Reciprocating – the degree to which you both select similar body language that is perceived as being of similar value to the interaction. Using body language to build trust is simply an expansion of the rapport you’ve already established. The biggest difference is that trust takes more time to develop than rapport. It still includes the three main elements (mirroring, listening, and reciprocating) but each takes on a deeper meaning as you both negotiate your way through to a deeper level of connection with confidence in each other. Another aspect of trust is that it takes longer to develop, but can be destroyed much more quickly than basic rapport. Using body language to convey intimacy is perhaps the most complicated of activities, especially in situations where such non-verbal interactions may or may not be sexual in nature. Two close friends convey intimacy by sitting close together, using appropriate facial expressions, displaying friendly gestures, and leaning toward each other. None of this is sexual in nature, and neither person interprets it as sexual because there is a high degree of rapport and trust in the relationship. However, two people with a romantic interest in each other convey intimacy in very different ways. They might touch each other lightly on the hand, arm, or shoulder; they laugh at each other’s witty comments and lean in toward each other; they make frequent eye contact and then look away in a coy manner; and they generally flirt with each other to convey mutual interest. Pending and Receiving Messages in Personal Interactions Conflict occurs when body language is misinterpreted either as being romantically intimate or when one person does not reciprocate in a romantically intimate way. Such conflicts are relatively easy to resolve in social or informal situations, but can lead to additional problems when they occur in a business or professional situation. There is no single formula for determining the exact nature and intensity of body language messages to use during different levels of personal interaction. Learning what is and is not effective is somewhat of a 'trial and error' process. You can speed up this process and become more adept at sending messages, receiving messages, and interpreting reactions to messages, simply by continuing to learn as much as possible about the power of body language.

Body Language and Proxemics Body language is a powerful form of communication but the sending and receiving of messages involves a great deal more. Outside factors can have a powerful influence on such interactions, and one of the most influential is proxemics. Proxemics We have all had experiences where someone stands or sits just a little bit too close. It may be somewhat difficult to define ‘too close’, but you know it when it occurs, right? Believe it or not, there are researchers and scientists who focus their work on the study of humans, distance, and the idea of personal space. It’s called proxemics, and despite the fancy word, it is really a fascinating subject with many practical applications. Proxemics is all about how non-verbal communication among and between people is affected by distance. These kinds of spatial relationships involve territory, proximity, and a wide range of personal comfort zones. There are four general categories of space, as defined by proxemics: Public space Social space Personal space Intimate space Think of these four categories of space as concentric circles, starting out away from you and becoming progressively smaller as they move closer to you. The actual size of each circle differs from person to person; that’s what makes this subject so interesting and so relevant to everyday life. Four Categories of Space, Unlimited Ways to Invade Them The study of proxemics has given us specific definitions of each category: Public space – This area begins about twelve feet away and goes out to about twenty-five feet, sometimes even more. It is the domain of public interactions such as taking a stroll through the mall, walking down the street, or passing other people in the grocery store. Social space – This area begins about four feet away and goes out to about twelve feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions such as meeting someone new, greeting a familiar acquaintance, or generally interacting with someone who is not particularly well known to you. Personal space – This area begins about eighteen inches away and goes out to about four feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions with people you know well, such as those whom you know relatively well and your good personal friends. Personal space is also sometimes referenced as your ‘bubble’ or ‘personal bubble’, and is the space that varies the most based on culture. Intimate space – This area begins at your body and goes out to about eighteen inches away from you. It is the domain of your most intimate interactions with people, typically a small handful of people with whom you have the closest relationships. This includes kissing, hugs, whispers and close conversation, and intimate types of touch. In practice, however, each individual person has his or her own definition of each category, and definitions vary even further by gender, culture, social perceptions, situation, and the like.How does proxemics influence body language? The interaction between proxemics and body language is quite complicated. It is the subject of ongoing study, but is still not anywhere close to being fully understood. Because individual definitions of space are so variable, it is difficult to unravel the interwoven facets of how body language influences (and is influenced by) the four categories of space. Cultural differences abound; for instance, in Italy and Latin America the personal space distance is much smaller than in Great Britain and Sweden. So when someone from Sweden travels to Italy, he or she is likely to feel quite uncomfortable interacting with a local person whose concept of personal space is quite different. In general, body language is the first method of communication used when personal space or comfort zones are infringed upon. It is a relatively safe way to send and receive messages without the awkwardness and discomfort of speaking about such things directly. In other words, it is the most common method for letting other people know where your own space boundaries are located. Why is body language so effective in communicating space boundaries? Most experts agree it is because body language is so incredibly natural, flexible, and easy to adjust without interrupting the flow of an interaction. It can be used at work, at home, in a classroom, on the subway, in a car, at a concert; the applications are as unlimited as the nuances of body language itself.

Body Language and First Impressions The study of body language is interesting from an academic standpoint but there are many practical applications as well. First impressions, and the associated non-verbal cues, are one example of an area where your knowledge of body language has many practical applications. Body Language Influencing a First Impression Nobody can say for certain exactly how much body language influences a first impression, but some research indicates it might be as high as 90% responsible for the first impression you create. That’s a huge percentage, especially when you consider the importance of first impressions and how they set the stage for further interactions. A first impression is usually formed within just a few seconds; most of the time you haven’t even said a full sentence before a first impression is made. This may not seem fair, and it certainly doesn’t sound very politically correct in our modern world, but the fact remains that first impressions are incredibly important. Anything you can do to improve the first impression you make is a huge positive step. The Main Elements of a First Impression? These will vary depending on the situation; some elements are more important in a business situation, for example, while others come to the fore in a social situation. In general, however, the main elements of a first impression are as follows: Appearance – Is your appearance appropriate for the situation? Are you well groomed and clean? Is your hair combed? Is your clothing clean and neat? Do you ‘stand out’ from the crowd or blend in? Body movement and position – Do you move with confidence and an upright body position? Is your head hanging down, or held upright? Is your walk steady, not too fast or too slow? Facial expression – Do you have a pleasant facial expression, appropriate for the situation? Do your eyes appear bright and interested, or dull and bored? Is your face expressive or locked into a single look? Eye contact – Do you make steady eye contact? Do your eyes dart back and forth or do you stay focused? Are you staring inappropriately? Does your eye contact match your overall facial expression? The variations and combinations of elements affecting first impressions are nearly endless. You cannot possibly factor in all possibilities, but you can take your knowledge of body language and apply it to first impression situations with deliberate thought and choice. First Impressions Gone Bad Okay, it happens. You’ve made a bad first impression. Now what should you do? Again, the steps you should take to correct a poor first impression depend entirely on the situation. In some situations, you will have a second chance, while in others you will not. For instance, in a job interview, the first impression you create is important, but so are the answers you give to interviewer questions. If you think your first impression was not all that great, focus on using your very best body language during the interview itself will help. Many interviewers will forgive a poor first impression if you handle it well, such as you tripped on the stairs coming in or you became lost trying to find your way through the building. In these cases, you might briefly acknowledge the faux pas, offer a brief, sincere apology or explanation, and then move on to the business at hand. Make eye contact, and be aware of your own facial expressions. What about social situations? Gender has a great influence in this area, as women tend to be more tuned in to body language and therefore are more likely to form rapid first impressions. Your gender matters, too, because the kind of first impression you make on someone else (male or female) is somewhat influenced by your own gender. For instance, if you are female and meet another couple for the first time, the woman might be quicker to form an impression if she views you as a potential threat to her relationship. The same holds true if you are a man in the same situation; the other man may approach the interaction from an entirely different perspective than the other woman. What about the first impressions you form about others? There’s value in looking at your own patterns of forming first impressions of other people and how well you interpret their body language. Do you find yourself often forming negative or harsh judgments of others? Perhaps you need to re-examine how and why you are so quick to develop those kinds of impressions. Or, do you find yourself often judging others positively, only to find later on that you were duped or misled? Perhaps you also need to re-examine your patterns, and be a bit more discerning in how you interpret information.

Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships What does it mean when your boyfriend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a group of people? What is your girlfriend trying to tell you when she greets you without her usual smile and hug? And what about committed relationships where the partners start out showing lots of affection and accommodation for each other but over the years begin to just interact automatically? The issue of body language within intimate relationships is quite complex and one that is not easily broken down into specific, predictable definitions. It is much like a dance between two people, constantly in motion and combining with other aspects of the relationship to communicate a wide variety of messages. The Beginnings of Intimacy In the beginning of an intimate relationship, body language is a primary means of communication. Two people who don’t know each other very well will use non-verbal cues to express their thoughts when words seem too direct or uncomfortable. It is a relatively safe way to get the point across to each other with less risk of outright rejection or embarrassment. The early stages are filled with flirting and testing each other’s interest. Eye contact is important because it indicates interest; body position is also important because it helps to indicate comfort levels. For instance, two people who sit or stand very close to each other, find excuses to touch each other on the arm or shoulder, or position themselves side by side rather than facing each other, are showing each other that each is comfortable with the other. As the relationship progresses, more and more touching occurs. This shows up as holding hands, hugging, leaning against each other, and the like. A woman who tilts her head and rests it on a man’s shoulder, for instance, is using her body language to express closeness and invite more of the same. A man who takes a woman’s hand as they negotiate through a crowded room is using body language to express connectedness, protection, and leadership. Body Language in Established Relationships When two people in an established intimate relationship use body language, it can take on far more subtle meanings. This is especially true if the relationship is troubled in some way or if there is poor verbal communication between them. On the other end of the spectrum, though, body language can become a special communication tool used to convey messages of love, connection, appreciation, and the like. It is quite common for couples to use body language when they are unwilling or unable to talk about a conflict openly. Either person might withdraw physically or emotionally from the other, avoiding situations of physical closeness and keeping feelings inside. Or, either person might become quite physical by slamming doors, banging drawers shut, vigorously cleaning something, or the like. With all of these examples, the underlying cause may vary but the symptoms generally indicate the same thing – the couple needs to talk with each other, openly and honestly, about the real issue at hand. Couples who have been together many years often develop a set of non-verbal cues specific to their relationship. For instance, in social situations it might only take deliberate eye contact, a tug on the elbow, or a tilt of the head to indicate when one person is ready to go. Parents also can become quite good at this process, using facial expressions to communicate when a child misbehaves or when one needs a break from the kids for some reason. General Body Language in Intimate Relationships In general, body language in intimate relationships serves a vital purpose. It communicates specific types of information when a relationship is relatively young as well as when it is more established. It can bring a couple together, push a couple apart, or simply augment the verbal communication habits of the two people. When it comes to communicating intimacy, though, body language is perhaps the most powerful tool available to couples. A touch of the hand, an arm around the shoulder, a tender kiss on the cheek, or a tender caress of the cheek are all great examples of ways couples express intimacy with each other. Learning about and understanding these kinds of non-verbal cues can go a long way toward strengthening and protecting the intimate connection between two people. Violation of your Personal Space It probably wouldn’t take you very long to vividly recall a time when your personal space was violated. Maybe you were sitting in a coffee shop and someone sat down at your table or perhaps you were settling in for a department meeting and a co-worker sat down and then moved the chair even closer to you. Regardless of the situation, when someone violates your personal space it is extremely uncomfortable. How then, can you deal with it? Unconscious Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Everyone has automatic, unconscious reactions to violations of their personal space. These reactions happen so swiftly and so unconsciously that if you were to ask someone about theirs, most would have to think very carefully to identify them. It’s simply not something most people have to think about at all; their reactions are more like a reflex than anything else. What are some of these common reactions? Here’s just a sampling: Move away – When someone gets a bit too close, moving away is the most natural and automatic reaction. This may be accomplished with body movement, such as leaning back, or more pronounced movement, such as moving your chair away, sliding your entire body away, or, in extreme cases, even getting up and moving to a different location. Put up a personal barrier – This conjures up images of building a wall, but it is usually something far less complicated. For instance, you might rearrange your books or papers so they are between you and the other person; or, you might change arm position so that your arm is raised or manoeuvred into a position blocking the other person. Body position – In most cases, this is a combination of moving away and putting up a barrier. For instance, you might turn slightly so your back is to the other person, effectively creating a barrier. Or, you might turn your head, avoid eye contact, raise your book or reading material, and the like. If you think about it, you can probably remember many different times in your life where you have used these automatic reactions when your space was violated. Some people, however, make a conscious decision to protect their personal space deliberately and actively. Deliberate Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Some people make quite deliberate decisions about how to deal with violations of their personal space. Their responses are often passive, but may also be quite active in some cases. Here’s a sampling of some common actions: Spread out – This is very common in situations where you are sitting at a table that others might choose to sit at as well, such as at the library or in a cafeteria. As the other person approaches and begins to infringe upon your personal space, you spread out your belongings – books, purse, backpack, shopping bags, and jacket, anything – into the space around you. This visually communicates your boundaries and also works as a barrier between you and the other person. Turn your back – This is another tactic to protect your personal space from another person. You might casually shift your position so your back is to the other person, or even reposition your chair with your back acting as a barrier between the two of you. Ask the other person to move – This is an active response typically used by people with a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem. When a person begins to violate your personal space, you simply ask them to move away a bit. If you’re not quite confident enough to be that bold, you might tell them you’re expecting someone else to arrive soon and you’d like to keep the space available for that person. Verbal warning – In cases where you feel particularly threatened you might give the other person a verbal warning that you’re uncomfortable and could they please move away. It might be something simply like “please stop” or something more directive like “you’re sitting/standing too close to me, could you please move back”. Most people focus more on passive measures than on active measures when their personal space is violated. It is simply too intimidating or uncomfortable to reclaim that space directly.

Body Language Basics From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth. Angel Rose, 34, an assistant vice president at a bank in upstate New York, was interviewing candidates for a teller position, which required that a person have good people and communication skills, a professional presentation, and a strong focus on customer service, among other abilities. One candidate in particular stood out, but not in a good way. While she could have been very intelligent, her nonverbal communication and body language were way off. Her handshake was more of a finger shake, her eye contact was nonexistent, and her slouched posture exuded insecurity. For Rose, what the candidate said didn't matter because her body language spoke volumes: she wasn't a good fit for the position. Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships 43 Date-Night Ideas REDBOOK's new book, 500 Great Dates, has tons of fun plans for you and your guy — no matter how much (or how little) time, money, or babysitter access you have! Read the 43 Date-Night Ideas article > > "Most communication experts now believe that almost 90% of what we say comes from nonverbal cues, which includes our body language," says Patti Wood, author of Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language. Body language, she explains, is everything from our facial expressions, to eye contact, to our gestures, stance, and posture. While the nuances of body language are complicated, there are some common body language signs worth a thousand words. Body Language ABCs Flipping your hair, shaking hands, making eye contact, and smiling are more than just movements -- they're a part of your nonverbal communication, adding emphasis and emotion. "Body language represents a separate communication process beyond words," says Ross Buck, PhD, a professor of communication sciences and psychology at the University of Connecticut. "It exists simultaneously with language, but it is emotional and largely happening at the subconscious level." What are some of the basic body language cues that we display and what kind of effect can they have on the impression we make on other people? Here's a beginner's guide to understanding what our bodies are saying: Handshakes. A handshake can say so much more than hello, nice to meet you. "The most important part of a handshake is palm-to-palm contact," says Wood. "It's even more significant than the grip." The palm-to-palm contact expresses an intention of honesty and openness, and that your interaction will be sincere and nonthreatening. The "limp fish" handshake, Wood explains, seems so uncomfortable because it usually means that the palms don't touch, as Rose experienced in her interview. Here are other handshake types: Bone crusher: A person may be insecure and trying to overcompensate with an over-the-top hello. Palm-down handshake: A person may be trying to express his dominance. A left-handed wrap of the handshake from the top: A person may be trying to express his dominance. A left-handed wrap of the handshake from underneath: A person may be trying to support and comfort you. Synchrony. Synchrony happens when two people who are interacting mirror body language cues, explains Buck. What can it mean? "Synchrony is a signal that both people are on the same page," says Buck. "When you see someone copying your body language, or you notice that you are copying his, it's a clue that you are probably sharing a similar mind-set at the time." Further Reading: If sex is painful, will avoiding sex cause it to hurt less? Virginity Lost, Experience Gained 30 Days Back to Love The Secrets Couples Keep Boring Bedroom Syndrome — It's Everywhere Instant Fight Stoppers Sex and the Single Mom: What a Mom Wants See All Sex Problems in Women Topics Top Picks Can Couples Counseling Help? How to Reconnect Sexually Dating Deal-Breakers How to Argue With Your Partner What Is Emotional Infidelity? Dating After Divorce: How Long Should You Wait?

Body Language Signs That He's Crazy About You Sure, you could ask a guy how he feels about you. Or you could skip the awkward convo and analyze the male body language. Suss out whether your guy is head over heels using these celeb couples as your guide. Lillian Glass, PhD, author of The Body Language Advantage, has the lowdown. By Korin Miller PDA DOESN'T SCARE HIM Yeah, they're out in public which can make an all-out makeout sesh awkward. But Andrew Garfield still shows he cares—and wants to be connected to his girlfriend Emma Stone—by slipping his hand into her back pocket. Aww. AKM Images-GSI Media HE KEEPS YOU CLOSE We'd like to nominate Jay-Z and Beyonce for the title of Cutest Couple Ever...just saying. Check out this adorable pic—by nuzzling Beyonce into his arm, Jay-Z shows he loves feeling like her protector (and clearly she's not complaining). Getty ImagesHE GETS CUDDLY Ashton Kutcher is so into his girl Mila Kunis that he hugs her on the freaking street corner. His arms and lower body are all connected to her—a sign that there's huge chemistry between them. Teach-Fame Fly Net Pictures

Listen to His Body Language Relationship advice: We reveal four important things a guy says without using words Body Talk “Because men have learned to socialize through their actions, they’re constantly sending signals about how they’re feeling,” says body-language expert Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., author of The Psychology of Persuasion. “All you have to do is observe them.” We can help: Here’s how to train your eye to pick up on your guy’s innermost thoughts. He's Lying The clue: He keeps scratching his nose or ears. "When a man is afraid of being caught in a lie, his heart rate often accelerates and blood rushes to his nose, ears, and forehead, creating an itchy, tingly sensation," Hogan says. Your move: To get the truth out of him, put on your friendliest face. Then frame your questions in a way that sounds like you're being curious rather than accusatory, says Leslie Seppinni, Psy.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. A fibber will rarely plot out the minutiae of his story, so if you listen long enough he may get tripped up in his convoluted tale and spill the beans. He's Second-Guessing Your Relationship The clue: He always seems to be holding something in his hands. He may be avoiding intimacy, since keeping his paws occupied prevents him from touching you. "Creating physical distance until he's ready to make a decision is often how men process their feelings," says body-language expert Patti Wood. Your move: Call him on it. Say, "I love that we're so open with each other, but I feel like you're not telling me something." If he blows you off, press him by saying, "I can handle whatever it is." This might convince him you won't freak out—a major fear men have about self-expression, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happy Families. If he starts talking, well, great. But if he's indecisive about the relationship, suggest taking space until he knows where he stands. He Has to Confess Something and It Isn't Good The clue: He draws in his lips. "When a man has to get something off his chest, his mouth will tense up and he'll press his lips together as if he can't decide whether he should open his mouth and unload the bad news," Wood says. Your move: When an inquiry sounds sincere, it can relax a suspect—er, man—into making a confession. Say something like, "You look upset. Anything you want to tell me?" No matter what, maintain a poker face, even if what he says upsets you. "The best way to get information from a guy is to keep a neutral expression while he speaks so he won't change his story based on your reaction," Haltzman says. His Ego Is Wounded The clue: He holds one of his wrists. "It may appear that he's adjusting his watch, but it can be a sign that he's feeling insecure," Wood says. It's like he's protecting himself; his arms act like a shield positioned across his body. Your move: Guys love to feel like superheroes, so when his boss chews him out or you inadvertently insult him, his confidence can plummet. "When a man's feelings are hurt or he's trying to sort out a particular issue, he feels powerless," Haltzman says. "Give him some solo time to think the issue through and regain control."