Body Language, Personal Interaction and Context The interplay among body language, personal interaction, and context is both complex and comprehensive. These three elements fit together so well and so completely that for many years researchers had difficulty pulling them apart enough to reveal the role each plays with the others. While the scientific knowledge in this area is by no means complete, we do know a great deal more than ever. This knowledge is not simply academic; it has practical applications everyone can learn and apply in their daily lives. Practical Applications of These Three Elements For most people, practical applications of these three elements are most helpful when used within personal relationships and business relationships. Put more simply, we spend the largest portion of our lives at work and at home, so it only makes sense to learn all we can about how to make communication in those two environments as clear and easy as possible. At Home You may interact with many different people as part of your home life. Your spouse or significant other, your child, your parents, your friends, and your neighbours are all examples of people with whom you likely interact regularly. For instance, when you have a close and committed relationship with another person, the quality and accuracy of your communications are vital to the strength and happiness of the relationship. As you and your partner first got to know each other, you each gradually learned to read each other’s body language within your personal interactions and within different contexts. The longer the relationship lasts, the better you each become in this area – at least, theoretically. What often happens, though, is that familiarity over time leads to less effort put into the relationship; more opportunities for miscommunication and conflict; and a generally falling off of the importance placed on communicating well with each other. You can freshen up and improve your committed relationship by re-focusing attention on body language, personal interaction, and context. For instance, if you know your spouse is not a ‘morning person’ then take that into account as you interact at that time of the day. Or, if your spouse is uncomfortable in social situations, agree ahead of time on how the two of you will communicate when it’s time to take a break or head home. A wink of the eye, a gentle tug on the arm, or some other non-verbal cue may be all it takes to communicate a clear message. At Work Depending on your job, you may interact with a great number of people each day. This can include customers, the general public, co-workers, supervisors, managers, and such. Paying attention to and applying your knowledge of body language and context to these personal interactions can go a long way toward making them more productive and more pleasant. For instance, when you interact with a customer it’s very helpful to pay attention to his or her body language. Do you sense anger? Unhappiness? Confusion? Or simply wanting to take care of a routine activity? Now consider the context. Is this a new customer? A long time customer? A harried mother or father trying to take care of errands during lunch? A customer who has waited in line a very long time? These are all examples of factors that influence your approach to a personal interaction with that customer. A new customer who is confused about a new product requires a different style of interaction (friendly, helpful, reassuring) than a harried mother or father trying to get back to work on time (friendly, prompt, focused). What about interacting with your boss? Or your co-workers? What aspects of body language, context, and personal interaction should you focus on and combine to find the best approach to that person? These are the kinds of questions you can ask yourself before, during, and after each interaction as a way of learning how to better manage all of those types of people and situations. In The End…. In the end, there is no magic formula for how body language, personal interaction, and context relate and combine together. There can be tremendous variation even with the same person and the same context, depending on the particular day or outside influences. This is why continuing to study and learn about body language and its practical applications is such a great way to improve your ability to communicate. You certainly can’t control anyone else, but when you thoroughly prepare yourself with learning and information, you are in a much better position to manage all of your personal interactions and create productive communication.

How to Convey Sincerity and Warmth When you understand the power of body language, you can consciously use it to convey a wide variety of messages. Additionally, you can observe and interpret the body language of others to determine the message they’re sending in your direction. In this article, we’ll look at three common messages that occur in a broad range of situations and types of interactions. They are sincerity, familiarity, and warmth. Sincerity Body language that conveys sincerity is much like that conveying honesty. It is characterised by steady eye contact, relaxed but poised body posture, and leaning toward or reaching out toward the other person or people. It is the type of message that most people deliver quite unconsciously and naturally, but other people may deliberately assume this kind of body language in an effort to influence another person. Typical examples might include a salesperson pitching a product or service; a child trying to convince a parent he or she really needs a certain toy; or even a close friend having a particularly honest or difficult conversation with you. Familiarity Body language that conveys familiarity has a strong influence on overall behaviour. When you display relaxed, comfortable, and even casual body language, that lets the other person know you feel a strong degree of comfort and familiarity with him or her. Deliberate use of this kind of body language may help put a new acquaintance at ease in a group or communicate a higher level of affection for another person. In general, the more familiarity you convey to others (or perceive in others) the more likely you are to communicate in an open, honest, relaxed manner. Warmth Body language that conveys warmth is similar to that of familiarity, but you do not necessarily have to be comfortable or familiar with a person or situation to display warmth. Relaxed posture, open body position, sitting or standing close together, and other generally relaxed behaviours are common ways of showing warmth. For instance, a parent might display these body language messages to convey warmth to a son’s new girlfriend. Retailers also make use of this kind of body language to convey a sense of warmth to their customers; examples include having employees stand in front of the counter rather than behind it, or training employees to use relaxed behaviours to make customers feel welcome in the store. The Effects of Context and Environment All three of these common messages – sincerity, familiarity, and warmth – are affected by the context and environment in which they occur. As a general rule, the more formal or conservative the environment, the more restrained and cautious the messages will appear. Conflict may occur when two or more people have different perceptions of the context and/or environment of the situation. These kinds of different perceptions are a major cause of miscommunication, misinterpretation, and general misunderstanding of both conscious and unconscious body language. Before you attempt to convey (or receive and interpret) any of these messages, pause for a moment to evaluate context and environment. Pay attention to your own perceptions of these things as well as the perceptions of others. Using these kinds of clues when sending and/or receiving messages of sincerity, familiarity, and warmth can greatly increase your effectiveness and at the same time decrease the chances of misunderstandings due to differing perceptions.

How Body Language Affects Personal Interactions Body language has a huge effect on all of your personal interactions no matter where they occur or with whom they occur. There is simply no way to fully separate non-verbal communication from influencing an interaction. Body Language Conveys Truthfulness or Deceit It takes a very skilled liar to match his or her body language to words that are not true. The majority of people show some sort of conflict between verbal communication and non-verbal communication when they are attempting to deceive someone else. Why? Because body language is such an innate part of communication that you have to make a concerted effort to use it in a way that goes against your natural tendencies. As receivers, we all take in verbal communication and body language, comparing them to help us determine if the message sender is being truthful or deceitful. Parents do this a great deal when interacting with their children because children typically are not very good at hiding conflicts between their words and their body language. It is generally quite easy to spot when a child is not being truthful, and it’s almost always due to the child’s non-verbal communication. There are some variations, though, to the weight we give to conflicts between verbal and non-verbal communication. When we receive a message where those two elements are conflicting, our minds (consciously or unconsciously) evaluate how difficult it is to ‘fake’ a particular kind of body language. The more difficult it is to fake, the more likely we are to believe it even if it conflicts with a person’s words. Body Language Influences The Length And Type Of Personal Interaction Your body language has a huge influence on the length and type of personal interactions you have. It can tell the world around you ‘stay away, I want to be left alone’, or it can tell the world ‘say hello to me, I’d love to talk with you’ – all with non-verbal cues that can be as simple as averting your eyes or holding your body in a certain position. For instance, let’s say it’s early Sunday morning and you’re making a quick dash to the supermarket to pick up the newspaper and an espresso. You throw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, hoping you won’t run into anyone you know along the way. However, you do far more than just hope; your body language, consciously or unconsciously, sends out cues that you don’t want to be noticed and don’t want to have any personal interactions. How does this happen? It happens in many ways, such as: Averting your eyes as you’re walking Hunching your shoulders and looking at the ground Keeping your facial expression neutral or even a bit on the grumpy side Wearing a hat pulled down as far as possible on your head Walking quickly to and from your destination Pretending not to see other people, just in case you might know one of them All of these are cues to others that you’re not interested in lengthy personal interactions and you’d be much happier if they would all just pretend you’re not there, thank you very much.But what if you’re feeling happy, confident, and perfectly willing to stop and chat with someone else? Take another look at the list above, and think about doing the exact opposite of what’s on the list. Those are the types of body language cues that would invite others to interact with you. Body Language Communicates When Words Can’t There are times when words simply can’t communicate properly in a personal interaction. For instance, when you’re comforting a grieving friend the simple non-verbal act of putting an arm around his or her shoulder is far more powerful than any words you might say. Or, you and your spouse might attend your child’s piano recital. Your sense of pride in his or her performance swells almost to bursting, so you turn to each other and make eye contact. You might smile, squeeze each other’s hands, or lean together. These are all ways of non-verbal communication something important in a way that’s far more effective and meaningful than using plain old words.

Body Language In Different Personal Interactions One of the most practical applications of knowledge about body language is in the context of different personal interactions. The way you communicate through body language has a huge impact on the tone length, and outcome of every type of personal interaction. Body Language and Interacting With Someone New – First Impressions Up to 90% of the first impression created when meeting someone new is a direct result of non-verbal interactions and general body language. These messages, both conscious and unconscious, convey a great deal of information about you, so it’s just common sense to do everything possible to maximise your positive impression. The first step is to check your appearance; this might include combing your hair, smoothing your shirt, straightening your tie, and generally making sure you appear neat and tidy. This may seem a bit vain, but it’s rooted in a very practical fact: Most people will form an opinion about you within just a few seconds of seeing you, even before you’ve uttered a single word. Next comes the way you carry yourself and greet the other person. If you frown, appear stern, or act aloof, the first impression you create is bound to be quite negative. Instead, you should smile, shake hands, and maintain a pleasant look on your face. Also, don’t stand facing the other person directly, as this is perceived as an aggressive posture; make a point of standing just a bit sideways and with a good distance between yourself and the other person. These general suggestions should be adjusted as necessary depending on the situation – formal, informal, business, social, etc. Interacting With Someone You Know – Rapport, Trust, and Intimacy When you interact with someone you know, body language influences three key areas of the interaction – rapport, trust, and intimacy. Depending on the nature of the relationship between the two of you, each of these areas will take on different levels of importance. Using body language to build rapport is much like performing a dance with the other person. It is a process of negotiating your way through a series of movements and steps, with each one bringing you closer and closer to common ground and understanding. The main elements of this negotiation are: Mirroring – the degree to which you both reflect each other’s body language. Listening – the degree to which you both ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the answers. Reciprocating – the degree to which you both select similar body language that is perceived as being of similar value to the interaction. Using body language to build trust is simply an expansion of the rapport you’ve already established. The biggest difference is that trust takes more time to develop than rapport. It still includes the three main elements (mirroring, listening, and reciprocating) but each takes on a deeper meaning as you both negotiate your way through to a deeper level of connection with confidence in each other. Another aspect of trust is that it takes longer to develop, but can be destroyed much more quickly than basic rapport. Using body language to convey intimacy is perhaps the most complicated of activities, especially in situations where such non-verbal interactions may or may not be sexual in nature. Two close friends convey intimacy by sitting close together, using appropriate facial expressions, displaying friendly gestures, and leaning toward each other. None of this is sexual in nature, and neither person interprets it as sexual because there is a high degree of rapport and trust in the relationship. However, two people with a romantic interest in each other convey intimacy in very different ways. They might touch each other lightly on the hand, arm, or shoulder; they laugh at each other’s witty comments and lean in toward each other; they make frequent eye contact and then look away in a coy manner; and they generally flirt with each other to convey mutual interest. Pending and Receiving Messages in Personal Interactions Conflict occurs when body language is misinterpreted either as being romantically intimate or when one person does not reciprocate in a romantically intimate way. Such conflicts are relatively easy to resolve in social or informal situations, but can lead to additional problems when they occur in a business or professional situation. There is no single formula for determining the exact nature and intensity of body language messages to use during different levels of personal interaction. Learning what is and is not effective is somewhat of a 'trial and error' process. You can speed up this process and become more adept at sending messages, receiving messages, and interpreting reactions to messages, simply by continuing to learn as much as possible about the power of body language.

Body Language and Proxemics Body language is a powerful form of communication but the sending and receiving of messages involves a great deal more. Outside factors can have a powerful influence on such interactions, and one of the most influential is proxemics. Proxemics We have all had experiences where someone stands or sits just a little bit too close. It may be somewhat difficult to define ‘too close’, but you know it when it occurs, right? Believe it or not, there are researchers and scientists who focus their work on the study of humans, distance, and the idea of personal space. It’s called proxemics, and despite the fancy word, it is really a fascinating subject with many practical applications. Proxemics is all about how non-verbal communication among and between people is affected by distance. These kinds of spatial relationships involve territory, proximity, and a wide range of personal comfort zones. There are four general categories of space, as defined by proxemics: Public space Social space Personal space Intimate space Think of these four categories of space as concentric circles, starting out away from you and becoming progressively smaller as they move closer to you. The actual size of each circle differs from person to person; that’s what makes this subject so interesting and so relevant to everyday life. Four Categories of Space, Unlimited Ways to Invade Them The study of proxemics has given us specific definitions of each category: Public space – This area begins about twelve feet away and goes out to about twenty-five feet, sometimes even more. It is the domain of public interactions such as taking a stroll through the mall, walking down the street, or passing other people in the grocery store. Social space – This area begins about four feet away and goes out to about twelve feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions such as meeting someone new, greeting a familiar acquaintance, or generally interacting with someone who is not particularly well known to you. Personal space – This area begins about eighteen inches away and goes out to about four feet away from you. It is the domain of interactions with people you know well, such as those whom you know relatively well and your good personal friends. Personal space is also sometimes referenced as your ‘bubble’ or ‘personal bubble’, and is the space that varies the most based on culture. Intimate space – This area begins at your body and goes out to about eighteen inches away from you. It is the domain of your most intimate interactions with people, typically a small handful of people with whom you have the closest relationships. This includes kissing, hugs, whispers and close conversation, and intimate types of touch. In practice, however, each individual person has his or her own definition of each category, and definitions vary even further by gender, culture, social perceptions, situation, and the like.How does proxemics influence body language? The interaction between proxemics and body language is quite complicated. It is the subject of ongoing study, but is still not anywhere close to being fully understood. Because individual definitions of space are so variable, it is difficult to unravel the interwoven facets of how body language influences (and is influenced by) the four categories of space. Cultural differences abound; for instance, in Italy and Latin America the personal space distance is much smaller than in Great Britain and Sweden. So when someone from Sweden travels to Italy, he or she is likely to feel quite uncomfortable interacting with a local person whose concept of personal space is quite different. In general, body language is the first method of communication used when personal space or comfort zones are infringed upon. It is a relatively safe way to send and receive messages without the awkwardness and discomfort of speaking about such things directly. In other words, it is the most common method for letting other people know where your own space boundaries are located. Why is body language so effective in communicating space boundaries? Most experts agree it is because body language is so incredibly natural, flexible, and easy to adjust without interrupting the flow of an interaction. It can be used at work, at home, in a classroom, on the subway, in a car, at a concert; the applications are as unlimited as the nuances of body language itself.

Body Language and First Impressions The study of body language is interesting from an academic standpoint but there are many practical applications as well. First impressions, and the associated non-verbal cues, are one example of an area where your knowledge of body language has many practical applications. Body Language Influencing a First Impression Nobody can say for certain exactly how much body language influences a first impression, but some research indicates it might be as high as 90% responsible for the first impression you create. That’s a huge percentage, especially when you consider the importance of first impressions and how they set the stage for further interactions. A first impression is usually formed within just a few seconds; most of the time you haven’t even said a full sentence before a first impression is made. This may not seem fair, and it certainly doesn’t sound very politically correct in our modern world, but the fact remains that first impressions are incredibly important. Anything you can do to improve the first impression you make is a huge positive step. The Main Elements of a First Impression? These will vary depending on the situation; some elements are more important in a business situation, for example, while others come to the fore in a social situation. In general, however, the main elements of a first impression are as follows: Appearance – Is your appearance appropriate for the situation? Are you well groomed and clean? Is your hair combed? Is your clothing clean and neat? Do you ‘stand out’ from the crowd or blend in? Body movement and position – Do you move with confidence and an upright body position? Is your head hanging down, or held upright? Is your walk steady, not too fast or too slow? Facial expression – Do you have a pleasant facial expression, appropriate for the situation? Do your eyes appear bright and interested, or dull and bored? Is your face expressive or locked into a single look? Eye contact – Do you make steady eye contact? Do your eyes dart back and forth or do you stay focused? Are you staring inappropriately? Does your eye contact match your overall facial expression? The variations and combinations of elements affecting first impressions are nearly endless. You cannot possibly factor in all possibilities, but you can take your knowledge of body language and apply it to first impression situations with deliberate thought and choice. First Impressions Gone Bad Okay, it happens. You’ve made a bad first impression. Now what should you do? Again, the steps you should take to correct a poor first impression depend entirely on the situation. In some situations, you will have a second chance, while in others you will not. For instance, in a job interview, the first impression you create is important, but so are the answers you give to interviewer questions. If you think your first impression was not all that great, focus on using your very best body language during the interview itself will help. Many interviewers will forgive a poor first impression if you handle it well, such as you tripped on the stairs coming in or you became lost trying to find your way through the building. In these cases, you might briefly acknowledge the faux pas, offer a brief, sincere apology or explanation, and then move on to the business at hand. Make eye contact, and be aware of your own facial expressions. What about social situations? Gender has a great influence in this area, as women tend to be more tuned in to body language and therefore are more likely to form rapid first impressions. Your gender matters, too, because the kind of first impression you make on someone else (male or female) is somewhat influenced by your own gender. For instance, if you are female and meet another couple for the first time, the woman might be quicker to form an impression if she views you as a potential threat to her relationship. The same holds true if you are a man in the same situation; the other man may approach the interaction from an entirely different perspective than the other woman. What about the first impressions you form about others? There’s value in looking at your own patterns of forming first impressions of other people and how well you interpret their body language. Do you find yourself often forming negative or harsh judgments of others? Perhaps you need to re-examine how and why you are so quick to develop those kinds of impressions. Or, do you find yourself often judging others positively, only to find later on that you were duped or misled? Perhaps you also need to re-examine your patterns, and be a bit more discerning in how you interpret information.

Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships What does it mean when your boyfriend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a group of people? What is your girlfriend trying to tell you when she greets you without her usual smile and hug? And what about committed relationships where the partners start out showing lots of affection and accommodation for each other but over the years begin to just interact automatically? The issue of body language within intimate relationships is quite complex and one that is not easily broken down into specific, predictable definitions. It is much like a dance between two people, constantly in motion and combining with other aspects of the relationship to communicate a wide variety of messages. The Beginnings of Intimacy In the beginning of an intimate relationship, body language is a primary means of communication. Two people who don’t know each other very well will use non-verbal cues to express their thoughts when words seem too direct or uncomfortable. It is a relatively safe way to get the point across to each other with less risk of outright rejection or embarrassment. The early stages are filled with flirting and testing each other’s interest. Eye contact is important because it indicates interest; body position is also important because it helps to indicate comfort levels. For instance, two people who sit or stand very close to each other, find excuses to touch each other on the arm or shoulder, or position themselves side by side rather than facing each other, are showing each other that each is comfortable with the other. As the relationship progresses, more and more touching occurs. This shows up as holding hands, hugging, leaning against each other, and the like. A woman who tilts her head and rests it on a man’s shoulder, for instance, is using her body language to express closeness and invite more of the same. A man who takes a woman’s hand as they negotiate through a crowded room is using body language to express connectedness, protection, and leadership. Body Language in Established Relationships When two people in an established intimate relationship use body language, it can take on far more subtle meanings. This is especially true if the relationship is troubled in some way or if there is poor verbal communication between them. On the other end of the spectrum, though, body language can become a special communication tool used to convey messages of love, connection, appreciation, and the like. It is quite common for couples to use body language when they are unwilling or unable to talk about a conflict openly. Either person might withdraw physically or emotionally from the other, avoiding situations of physical closeness and keeping feelings inside. Or, either person might become quite physical by slamming doors, banging drawers shut, vigorously cleaning something, or the like. With all of these examples, the underlying cause may vary but the symptoms generally indicate the same thing – the couple needs to talk with each other, openly and honestly, about the real issue at hand. Couples who have been together many years often develop a set of non-verbal cues specific to their relationship. For instance, in social situations it might only take deliberate eye contact, a tug on the elbow, or a tilt of the head to indicate when one person is ready to go. Parents also can become quite good at this process, using facial expressions to communicate when a child misbehaves or when one needs a break from the kids for some reason. General Body Language in Intimate Relationships In general, body language in intimate relationships serves a vital purpose. It communicates specific types of information when a relationship is relatively young as well as when it is more established. It can bring a couple together, push a couple apart, or simply augment the verbal communication habits of the two people. When it comes to communicating intimacy, though, body language is perhaps the most powerful tool available to couples. A touch of the hand, an arm around the shoulder, a tender kiss on the cheek, or a tender caress of the cheek are all great examples of ways couples express intimacy with each other. Learning about and understanding these kinds of non-verbal cues can go a long way toward strengthening and protecting the intimate connection between two people. Violation of your Personal Space It probably wouldn’t take you very long to vividly recall a time when your personal space was violated. Maybe you were sitting in a coffee shop and someone sat down at your table or perhaps you were settling in for a department meeting and a co-worker sat down and then moved the chair even closer to you. Regardless of the situation, when someone violates your personal space it is extremely uncomfortable. How then, can you deal with it? Unconscious Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Everyone has automatic, unconscious reactions to violations of their personal space. These reactions happen so swiftly and so unconsciously that if you were to ask someone about theirs, most would have to think very carefully to identify them. It’s simply not something most people have to think about at all; their reactions are more like a reflex than anything else. What are some of these common reactions? Here’s just a sampling: Move away – When someone gets a bit too close, moving away is the most natural and automatic reaction. This may be accomplished with body movement, such as leaning back, or more pronounced movement, such as moving your chair away, sliding your entire body away, or, in extreme cases, even getting up and moving to a different location. Put up a personal barrier – This conjures up images of building a wall, but it is usually something far less complicated. For instance, you might rearrange your books or papers so they are between you and the other person; or, you might change arm position so that your arm is raised or manoeuvred into a position blocking the other person. Body position – In most cases, this is a combination of moving away and putting up a barrier. For instance, you might turn slightly so your back is to the other person, effectively creating a barrier. Or, you might turn your head, avoid eye contact, raise your book or reading material, and the like. If you think about it, you can probably remember many different times in your life where you have used these automatic reactions when your space was violated. Some people, however, make a conscious decision to protect their personal space deliberately and actively. Deliberate Reactions to Violations of Personal Space Some people make quite deliberate decisions about how to deal with violations of their personal space. Their responses are often passive, but may also be quite active in some cases. Here’s a sampling of some common actions: Spread out – This is very common in situations where you are sitting at a table that others might choose to sit at as well, such as at the library or in a cafeteria. As the other person approaches and begins to infringe upon your personal space, you spread out your belongings – books, purse, backpack, shopping bags, and jacket, anything – into the space around you. This visually communicates your boundaries and also works as a barrier between you and the other person. Turn your back – This is another tactic to protect your personal space from another person. You might casually shift your position so your back is to the other person, or even reposition your chair with your back acting as a barrier between the two of you. Ask the other person to move – This is an active response typically used by people with a great deal of self-confidence and self-esteem. When a person begins to violate your personal space, you simply ask them to move away a bit. If you’re not quite confident enough to be that bold, you might tell them you’re expecting someone else to arrive soon and you’d like to keep the space available for that person. Verbal warning – In cases where you feel particularly threatened you might give the other person a verbal warning that you’re uncomfortable and could they please move away. It might be something simply like “please stop” or something more directive like “you’re sitting/standing too close to me, could you please move back”. Most people focus more on passive measures than on active measures when their personal space is violated. It is simply too intimidating or uncomfortable to reclaim that space directly.